Out of the Notebook and into the blog: I Get It

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

I Get It


We stand here, in this big huge world,our hearts convincing ourselves that we know everything but our minds knowing we don’t. We look at the girl addicted to pulling out her hair, and ask ourselves - “why doesn’t she just stop”. We look at people that are bisexual, gay, or lesbian and say “it’s a choice”. When we here about a friend that is depressed we ask, “why don’t you just be happy instead?”

We ask these questions and say these things because we aren’t the ones looking in the mirror to have them slamming back at us. You know that feeling, that feeling when you love someone, and nothing can stop that love? Every pore bleeds feelings for that person, you can’t stop thinking about them, wondering what they are thinking or feeling back, wondering if they even care at all. And when your this deep in - no matter how badly the other person hurt you and how much you hate them, you know deep down, that you’re still waiting. Waiting for them to say “I’m sorry” and give you that smile that reaches their sparkling eyes so that you can admit that you are still in love with them. You might hate yourself for it, but you can’t get rid of it, it’s their and it infests your body.

When I ask “why” about other people’s problems, I want to stop and think to myself. To think of that feeling of obsession and want towards that person that I love no matter how much he is disliked. I want to remember how no matter how hard I tried, and how bad he hurt me, I couldn’t stop that need it was impossible because it was engrained into the very depths of my soul. I know this must be how people experience the things they experience but we doubt, such as depression, sexuality, eating disorders, etc., because that feeling is how I feel when over taken by OCD. The biggest desire in the world to stop, but impossible to do so. Next time, before I ask “why,” I want to remember that feeling and give more than just the benefit of the doubt, and look them in the eye and say “I get it.”

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